Okay, I am going to do it.
I know I am going to regret it, and I also know that I will probably miss a few days, but I am going to jump on the bandwagon (created by Lauren Sedam...I'm not sure how much of a bandwagon it actually is) and do the 30-Day Letter Challenge. Each day, I will post a letter written to a specific audience. Really, I am doing this for me, but if by some miracle, one of my four readers stumbles upon something encouraging, then fantastic. I don't stick with anything when it comes to writing; this is a good place to begin. I will address some letters by name, but I will keep some to myself. It will be challenging and probably too personal, and hey, I'm okay with that.
So, without further ado, (I love that phrase), let me begin with Letter #1.
Letter #1 is supposed to be written to my "best friend."
Oh geesh. Houston, we already have a problem.
Dear Best Friend,
When I was young, you were Lauren Bayly, without fail and without question. You have also been Bekah Manning, Adri Byrd, Nathan Epple, Nick Epple, Sean Booher, Sarah Lantz, and Aubry and Carly Faulkenberg (they go together, you know). And there were moments of best friendship with others, but I don't want to get carried away here.
In elementary school, naming your best friend was so important. It was a badge of honor or a badge of shame. You had to nab a best friend because no one wanted to be best friend-less. As time passed and geography changed, so did my need for friends. I wanted lots of them, was blessed with a diverse group of people who challenged me and made me laugh and made fun of me. :) There were times when I could not go to sleep without making sure I had said (or typed) "Good night" to my best friend. There were some best friends who needed me much more than I needed them, which, in turn, made me need them. Strange how that worked. There were some best friends who seemed to understand me implicitly, and there were some who seemed to need understanding that only I could give. There were times (too many, I am afraid) when I lost my best friend. Most of them, in fact, are gone, at least from my direct and close acquaintance. And so, maybe I decided after watching my heart walk away too many times that I needn't put too much hope in a single person, until, if it is to be, I get married someday.
This way of friendship is much less painful, but I fear I do not love as deeply, know people as well, or grow as much as I did before I started teaching. I fear that although there are countless friends in my life who would do anything for me, know me through history, and yes, can still make me laugh and laugh at me, very few people truly know me, if anyone at all. Then again, what does that even mean?
I am thankful for you, best friends, who watch movies and laugh about farting and go line-dancing. I am thankful for you, best friends, who plan trips to Holiday World and the IMA and Memorial Day Cookouts. I am thankful for you, best friends, who gave me a foundation, a home away from home, a more full understanding of human beings. I am thankful for you, best friends, who broke my heart but in the process taught me more and more about love. I am thankful to you, best friends, who watch Colts Games and Thursday night television with me. I am thankful to you, best friends, who care deeply about your relationship with God (and mine) and are constantly seeking growth and understanding. I am thankful to you, best friends, who love food and frisbee and puppies.
Friendship is a clever beast. It is vitally important for a full life, yet it is constantly changing and can easily become a complete stranger without our even realizing it walked away. I desire to learn how to be a better friend again, but that, as they say, is easier said than done.
Love always,
Jacqui
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