...for lack of what is found there.

Last summer was not what I was expecting. My mom got sick, and all other plans changed because of that. I did a lot of grad school work, and each morning, I would wake up trying to figure out what would make for dinner that night that was healthy and without dairy products. I did the dishes after each meal. I didn't really go anywhere, save a bummer-of-a-trip to Turkey Run. Yet, I think I will always remember it fondly. It was the last summer I spent with Nana, and it will forever mark a time in my life when family became more important. Even though I was not always happy, it was meaningful.

This summer has been a bit of a blur. In an effort to "suck the marrow out of life," I have been many places and have stayed busy throughout. I guess I don't know how to have a relaxed summer where I don't feel guilty because the days spent without plans (like today, for instance) have almost always involved sleeping in way too late, eating unhealthy food, and vegging on the couch watching Law and Order: SVU re-runs. I don't know how to function if I am not planning an event or planning for one. Really, I don't. That aspect of who I am freaks me out. How do people who don't have busy lives live on a day-to-day basis? That question might sound condescending, but I am being sincere.

I realize now that these words sound very similar to those I wrote on June 5th. It is now July 19th. Since June 5th, I have gone to camp, led music at VBS, taken a group to Mississippi, spent a day at the lake, tubed at Turkey Run, watched loads of movies, and I had the privilege of being in Dana and Zach's wedding. I have experienced so much, yet here I am, on this random Sunday afternoon, stuck on the same questions. This particular way I am wired tends to bother me a lot, I guess.