Let me Take You on a Tour

Let me see if I get can get you to understand without sounding like a whiny baby, which is what I usually feel like.

So, until a few days ago, this was what my room had become. I know that many who read this (I only know one person who reads this for sure, but I will keep writing...) might not think this is a big deal, but you need to understand. I used to clean my apartment every week. When I lived with Adri, the messiness of Caleb nearly drove me over the edge. He was never this messy. But, somehow, I have gotten further and and further away from me. I just started letting this go, something that I could have actually easily controlled, because I just had too much else to do. Did I really? I don't know, but somehow, when I wasn't doing stuff that mattered, I certainly didn't want to be cleaning.

But, finally, last week, I decided that enough was enough. I had to go back.













I still have so much to do, but this was like climbing Mt. Everest for me. At midnight last Monday, I was busy organizing shelves in the kitchen. At 1am, I decided that it might not be wise to vacuum, only after finishing the dining room. Seriously, a weight lifted from my shoulders (even though I have yet to conquer the bathroom or finish the "den"), and I felt more whole than I had felt in a long time.

And, I wonder...why would cleaning ever make me feel so good? It lends me to believe that absolutely everything is spiritual, that our identity and our actions are all rolled into who we are created to be and what we have been created to do, and part of me, at least after this little victory, has realized that order is always going to be better than chaos. It isn't always going to be more exciting or more interesting, but in the end, it works.

Is this some huge epiphany? No.
But, maybe my problem is not being too busy. Maybe it is that I create chaos.