Fall Break...just in time for a few rants on the state of living

Rant #1

So, over the course of the last two weeks, my computer came down with an illness. I invested MANY hours trying to fix it, and finally, after all other routes were blocked (literally and figuratively), I did a full system recovery, which basically wiped my computer of everything that I have put on it since I bought it in 2005. This was a great idea because it is now back to normal, and in some ways, it is better. Last night, as I was saving all of My Documents onto CDs, I had this thought. First of all, I was actually almost making myself SICK because I was scared that something was going to go terribly wrong. My nerves were shot, and after another six hours of staring at the screen, I didn't know if I could handle anything else. I started wondering if it is healthy (let alone sane) to have so much invested in an object. Then, I started thinking about how much of my world revolves around a computer. Then, I started thinking about the supposed future of education and how much MORE my world is going to revolve around a computer. It made me more sick.

But, don't I choose this? I like to be connected just as much as the next person, and whether or not it helps or hinders real communication, I really like being able to communicate online. I am getting an education through the computer, which makes it extremely important. And, one of my favorite hobbies, photography, is now also attached to the computer. I have valid reasons for seemingly being completely dependent on this thing, but still, it worries me. It made me want to go somewhere where I can leave it all behind. It made me want to retreat. It made me want to disappear.

And then...I lost all of my Morris Fork pictures. Basically, that includes anything from Morris Fork for the past three years. I was REALLY upset at first, but again, I starting thinking about why. Do I need the pictures to remind me of why the place is special to me? Do I need the pictures to validate Morris Fork in my heart? No. They are just pictures. They aren't life. I LOVE pictures, as you probably know, but the digital world has definitely decreased my connection to the ART of photography. Instant gratification isn't always gratifying in the long run.

The whole process was disturbing. But, it is fixed now...I guess.

Rant #2

I have no idea if anyone is reading this, besides Dana, but see if you can catch what I am talking about here.

I waste WAY TOO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY trying to figure out how to impress people. It isn't always a conscious thought, but it is there, deeply ingrained into my very existence. I analyze and re-analyze conversations, I try to do what I think others want me to do, I wonder how I can be better all the time, etc. I don't think it is bad to want to be your best, but I just realized yesterday that if a person doesn't love me for who I am, why should I bother worrying so much? I just don't want that to be a battle in my head. I don't want that to be a concern of mine. I just want to be. Me.